Auntie,
I hope you can imagine my life experience of the living on the cross streets of Black, Gay, and Christian is not an easy existence. The title of this letter, "Love the Sinner, Hate The Sin" you can also imagine I have heard often from those I share the Black and Christian streets with. While no one of these descriptors tell the whole truth about who I am, being Black, Gay, and Christian have tremendously shaped the trajectory of my life. When I look in the mirror, strong remnants of my African ancestry is written all over my face. The notion that there is a GOD, Christ is my Lord and Savior, and that there is NOTHING, "that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord", is the only empirical truth I know. So, maybe it could argued that I choose to be Christian, however 30 years of life experiences have given me very good reasons to holding fast to this truth.
My identity as Gay is not a preference, it is not a lifestyle, it is my reality. My preference is for natural scenery over an urban one. My preference is for vanilla ice cream over chocolate. Running is my lifestyle. Activism is my lifestyle. Serving is my lifestyle. Ministry is my lifestyle. Meditation is my lifestyle. Writing is my lifestyle. Gay is not a lifestyle anymore than straight is. As we have discussed, there are so many options to living life as a gay person, so you can imagine what might go through my head when I hear people say, "I respect you, but I don't approve of your lifestyle." First: "Who asked for your approval?" Second: "Which lifestyle are you talking about? You don't like that I run to keep myself young, fit and strong? You don't like that I volunteer my time to serve people? You don't like that I try to give a true word to lift people's spirit whenever I am called to? You don't like that I take moments to clear my mind and my nerves of the BS I must incur from people like you on the regular basis? You don't like that I put my thoughts into words so that I keep myself sane and don't go crazy?" Usually this comes from people who have no idea whatsoever about what my lifestyle really looks like. What they don't like is an idea they have in their heads which probably looks something like "You sleep around. You recruit little boys in public bathrooms. You do drag shows. You parade around in rainbows and you don't take life seriously." As I have matured, I have learned, "That's their stuff." There are those who see my black face and are certain that I rap, play basketball, eat fried chicken, drink kool-aid, have no college education and I like to snatch white women purses and then claim they're not prejudice. LOL!
My attraction to men has been my reality as far back as I can remember having an attraction to anyone. It's been a reality I have tried to run away from almost at the cost of my sanity and my life. So when I hear "I love you and I respect you, but I don't approve of your lifestyle." What I am also hearing is, "You're a lovable and honorable person, but in order for me to be true to my Christian beliefs, I must look down on and be disgusted by your reality." If this is my reality, what am I suppose to do with that kind of love? My reality is not up for debate. Your opinion is just as important as those who complain about January for being cold. It is what it is, just as certain as the Black person I see in the mirror or the fact that I am left-handed. I am sorry if my reality causes many Christians to have a cow, but is it my reality which is causing the distress or is it their own prejudice, self-righteousness, hatred or failed understanding of what the gospels are really teaching? When they are done having a fit and foaming at the mouth in prayer, I'm going to be just as Gay as I was yesterday. So they might as well have a seat. It is not about me being stubborn. If my reality causes people to go deeper in their understanding of GOD's love, than I can no more have a victim's attitude toward my reality of "Why me?" It is then a gift and a blessing. I should cherish this experience. Many will not have it. I hope that those who are close to me and say they love me, will cease to judge me and cherish the experience of having someone like me in their lives, in their family. Not everyone will have this experience either. Many will try to understand "the gays" by reading about them or watching fictional characters about them on TV. I am one of you, and I hope that you see me as such. When you hear people talking out of the necks about gay people in the media or in real life, they are talking about me. They are talking about your people that they probably do not understand.
I don't let people get off the hook so easily having demeaning conversations about fat people. I have never been morbidly obese, but I have loved people who were and have watched their struggles. I have pushed my mother in a wheel chair. I have bathed her, set up her oxygen tanks. I have watched people mock her and make fun of her, reject her and look at her with disgust and see what that did to her self-esteem. Each time I have seen her pick herself up, put herself together and affirm that she is SOMEBODY. No wonder I am so strong and think so much of myself. I learned it from her. Luckily for her, diet and exercise might have changed her reality. I know no remedy for my reality except for self-acceptance. Please do not try to take that away from me. It is truly all I have. It is what has been keeping me alive through some difficult times. Think about this, the next time my self-acceptance is called "flaunting".
Given my reality, what do I want? I want what probably anyone wants. I want to love someone and I want to be loved back. Am I not a human? I want to share my life with someone and co-create magnificent things I could not create on my own. Am I not a human? I don't want to be alone at old age. Am I not a human? I want to be treated as equally and as fairly as anyone else, especially by any institution of government I help and contribute to support. Am I not a human? Am I not an American citizen? I don't want to live my life as a second-class citizen. When I lose love ones, it hurts me deeply as it might anyone. Is it right that I should then be treated as a stranger and lose everything? If you say that you are Christian, then you must believe that we are to treat everyone as we would like to be treated, for the law of the prophets is summed up in this one commandment: Love your neighbor as yourself. My love is as good, is as strong, is as beautiful, is as worthy of your respect as any out there. Am I not a human? If you too are human, then nothing human should be alien to you. If you really get this, then you should be ready scream at the fact that all this year my humanity has been up for debate, not "gay marriage". This is not about "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage" or redefining marriage for what 52% of the population doesn't seem to respect and honor. Whenever we use these terms we then lose sight of my humanity and we regress to a debate centered around people's attitudes toward my reality, which is for me, irrelevant. It is about marriage equality. You can not say that you are for equality for some and not for others. Either you are for equality or you or not. That is the debate that we should be having, if we should be having a debate at all.
Love only happens when see ourselves in another person and then desire for them all that we would want for ourselves. The emprical definition of "Sin" is the absence of love. For GOD is love. In Spanish, the word "sin" means without or not whole. It is love which makes humanity whole and one with GOD and the universe. If we have not love then we have not GOD. GOD will still be for us even when hate, but without love, the living, active, spirit of GOD does not dwell within us. The 10 commandments are just evidence of what happens when we do not love each other. Love then is the only commandment. Judgement belongeth to the Lord and not to any of us. How will the Lord judge? By how well we loved each other. I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. It is with this I say, instead of loving the sinner and hating the sin, love me, and hate your sin.
If you really want to take the time to understand a glimpse of my experience before judging, I encourage to watch the true story of a religious mother struggling to love her son, powerfully portrayed by Sigourney Weaver. What was getting in the way of her loving her son? You probably wouldn't have guessed, The Bible. I believe it makes an excellent Christian film because it is a true story and an issue we can not continue to ignore.
