One of the most pivotal lessons 32 years has taught me is to never betray myself. We betray ourselves when we deny our truth in exchange for someone else's perspective. No one shares your exact spiritual address in time and space coordinates. This locale is yours and it was preordained. Therefore, no one has your exact perspective except you, and the ONE who knows and sees all. From our limited human vantage point, there is so much that we can not see, experience and understand, though you will acknowledge insights in ways no one else will. While there is so much we don't know, there are things from our personal scope and unique experiences which shows us truths for a certainty beyond a shadow of a doubt, even when we can not prove it to a skeptic or a nonbeliever. That vision, that insight may not be for them to see or understand, though it is revealed to you as clear as crystal.
We betray ourselves when we deny to ourselves the truth which has been revealed to us. We betray ourselves when we do not trust that truth. We betray ourselves when we compromise our own sense of ethics for any reason. We betray ourselves when we treat others in ways we would find unjust or disagreeable if done to us. We betray ourselves when do not follow our hearts. What I want to drill down on tonight is how we betray ourselves when we accept and tolerate abuse, mistreatment and disrespect out of desperation. Like the sage advice of William Shakespeare, "To thine own self be true, so that one canst not then be false to any man." You then make yourself unfit to stand up for anyone or anything so long as you adopt such an expedient backbone.
I have often been criticized for being "foolishly proud" when in the position of need and vulnerability, I have resisted the need to kiss butt or to tolerate condescending, controlling, patronizing and denigrating attitudes and behavior from so-called "helpers" in order to get my needs met. This is wholly unnecessary. I have learned the humility that as a human being a part of the whole, I am entitled to needing others. When in positions to help others in need, I have done so without question, judgment or expecting anything in return. The opportunity to serve is a privilege and a payment in itself, to know the feeling of contributing value to my world and paying the rent for the space and time I am taking up in this world. So why should I deny someone else that same privilege? So many people need to know that they matter, and they can find this best through the act of selfless service. Even if I am on the recipient end, I am allowing them a privilege to serve my needs, while my heart is crushing with gratitude. They are in reality serving themselves, serving their truth and in so doing, serving their GOD. It isn't even anything personal. When ego, disrespect, abuse and exploitation creeps into this loving transaction, it blows the truth, value and the beauty of the service for all involved.
If someone is not serving you in love and out of love, it is best if they decide to deny you and just leave you alone. Any act of service outside the space of Agape or humble altruistic love is serving poison to your spirit. While you may very well need what they have to offer, you do not ever need to betray yourself in order to get it. Truth be told, if it is GOD's will for you to have it, GOD will plunder them of it and give it to you, if they choose not to give it willingly, like Israel plundered Egypt on its way out of bondage. If it is not yours to have, GOD has something more perfect in store for you that what you think you might need from them would only get in the way of something better. Never forget this. When we betray ourselves to get what we need, that is the definition of prostitution. Prostitution is idol worshiping. "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want."
For the need of companionship, many tolerate verbal and physical abuse, neglect and infidelity. For the need of income, many barter their most precious resource, their time in labor which does not honor and make use of their talents and passions, nor educates them in the ways of money-making. What adds insult to the injury is when many endure exacting and sometimes abusive and punitive micromanagement practices which is anything but appreciative. For the need of belonging, we compromise just about everything which makes us beautiful and unique to assimilate to the values of the masses, we lie about our love, suppress our counter gender expressions, chemically burn the curls out of our hair, bleach the melanin out of our skin, and disguise or true image behind makeup. All the while, our true identities given to us and to the world through PROVIDENCE sulks in the corner, teary-eyed wondering why they are not wanted and appreciated by the body they have been given to inhabit.
My favorite Dr. Phil McGraw quote is, "You have to teach people how to treat you." If you are being abused, disrespected or mistreated, you must begin taking responsibility for enabling this if you really want it to end and take flight in the power of your truth. Our spirits know full well when we are receiving love and when we are not, even when the specifics of the violations are subtle and insidious as often is the case. Never lie to yourself about this. Love doesn't hurt. Love feels good. Love does not go upside your head or put you down. Love builds you up, lifts you up, fills you up and edifies your character. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7
A good church is one which is if intolerant of anything is intolerant of anything unloving. If upon stepping over the threshold, you do not immediately feel the warmth of love, turn around and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them. I mean it.
The word ABUSE, can be deduced to its rudiments, AB-USE (Outside-of-Purpose) If you have not gotten crystal clear on what your purpose is in life, to yourself, to your world and to each person you share a relationship with and the roles you play to them, you are leaving yourself wide-open and vulnerable to AB-USE. The most original purposes given to us as newborn babies is to be an object representing an opportunity to love. On the first moments of entering the world, we hadn't done anything wrong yet, our survival was totally dependent upon love and that is the purpose we served for our parents and our family from the very beginning. Our first purpose is still that of being an object representing an opportunity to love. Once you get clear about that and your other purposes as early as possible, then when others attempt to use you in ways which are contrary or outside the scope of your purpose to them, you can kindly, yet firmly assert your boundaries by communicating to them that you are not here for that, and mean it. Teach them how to treat you by demonstrating to them the best treatment you can bestow upon them. You teach people how to treat you by being kind and true to yourself as you observe this rule to never betray yourself. Lastly, you teach people how to treat you by knowing how to get up from the table when love is no longer being served. Do not trade disrespect for disrespect. To do so is to betray yourself.
Regardless of my social position with others or my degree of dependency upon them, respect is the ground rule in my dealings with them. I have no problem bringing whatever it is that we have going on to a screeching halt and making it clear that we will have respect for one another, or we will have nothing at all. I don't allow people to scream at me or address me outside of my given name, terms of endearment or titles of respect. Not with me, they won't. This is only a precursor to them feeling allowed and justified to strike me if they could get away with it, if I did not check them at the first instance of undeserved disrespect.
Those who continually and consistently betray themselves are not to be trusted. For if they would sell themselves out cheap, what trust should we have in them not to also sell us down the river at the first expedient opportunity? The same goes for those would ever suggest that you should betray yourself. And that is what I know for sure.
