TO BE ANGRY OR NOT TO BE?

Q: Is it ever wrong to get angry?

A: No. It's not right either. Feeling anger is nothing you need to judge one way or the other any more than you should judge the way the color blue looks to you. What is up for judgement is how you use it, for anger has its purposes and its misuses can be dangerous.

To drive at my point, whenever you are feeling angry, simply say just that, "I feel anger." Never say "I'm angry." for you are not anger and anger is not who you are. To back it up, what is really going on in your body when you are feeling anger or any sort of emotion for that matter is all chemical. Your brain releases them in accordance with stimuli from the external world. The one for anger is a hormone by the name of epinephrine, more commonly known as adrenaline. When your nerve centers taste these chemicals, they taste angry, or happy or frightened, or lovey-dovey or horny, or sad or any of the full range of emotions your body is capable of experiencing in much the same way your palate is capable of tasting salty, sour, spicey or sweet. Just like tastes in the mouth, emotional feelings in the body can either be pleasant or unpleasant. For most people, anger is an unpleasant emotional experience, so many of us get upset at the fact that we got upset on top of the original upsettedness, which then makes us even more angry at the person or thing we believe caused our anger in the first place. DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!

I'd like to help change this paradigm for you. No one causes your anger. No one can log into your brain and push the buttons which will release the angry chemicals into your body, as we black folks like to say,"You're working on my nerves." What is really happening is that the circular realm of things of which you are able to peacefully allow and accept has just bumped into a patience boundary you may not have known was there. So like blindly bumping your knee into a wall you didn't see there and then feeling pain, when you bump into your patience boundaries, you in turn feel anger as a natural response. If you bumped your knee and you feel pain, are you wrong for feeling pain? No, it's the wall's fault for being where you didn't expect to be. Well, who put that wall there? (Possible AHA moment). However, if you had not gotten angry or felt the pain of a bruised knee, you might not have known that the wall existed there anyway, and the pain or the anger only caught your attention to it.

So now that anger has helped you discover your own patience boundaries, you can now let that go and then deal with your boundaries with a clear mind. Does it need to be there? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. If it doesn't, then knock it down with laughter, because it's silly. If it does need to be there, who or what does it serve by being there? If it serves only you, how does it help you grow as a person? If it doesn't, so you like being small? Being small works for you? I know true personal growth is not comfortable for it comes with its growing pains, but who needs you to be bigger? Maybe your kids, maybe your family, maybe your community or even your nation. Or do you feel that the world is already full enough of big people that it won't matter if you stay at the comfortable level of a 3 yr old? You might very well believe this, but I'll tell you, you're in for a lot more painful knee bangings as you interact with the world. So, unless you enjoy anger, its time to enlarge your boundaries, stretch yourself and give yourself a bigger pen to play in.

Let's say that you enjoy anger. Why? I have heard from a few people that when they get angry, it is the only time they feel alive. So anger for them is a pulse check. So in a sense to sense the world, they go around looking for opportunities to get angry like a drug-fiend. You and I know that in this world, if that's what they're looking for, they don't need to venture far. They don't need to go outside their own house for that matter. You have my sympathies if you are in a relationship with such a person. Their search will come in the form of nagging, drudging up old dramas or picking a fight with you. They'll say things to get you to react to say something that will bump their knees against their patience boundaries and serve them the anger high they were looking for. They'll watch the nightly news if they have to. Yes, people do get addicted to the anger chemicals of their body. It happens to be pleasantly unpleasant for them. They're not much different than thrill seekers. My belief is that these people have not experienced the lasting emotions of joy and happiness in such a long time that they have forgotten what these lighter more, pleasant emotions feel like or have forgotten that these emotional experiences are options for them as well as easily as anger is. If they realized this, why would they ever look for anger? Just as easily as you don't have to venture far for anger, you don't have to venture far for joy and happiness either. All this requires is an attitude of gratitude and things to get happy and joyful about would pop out at you from every turn. Take in a deep breath and be grateful to be able to do that. Get up with the sun and feel the warm beams of its rays on your face. Feel the absence of pain in your body. Taste your good food and be grateful to be eating. Laugh at the squirrels in wirey action. Opportunities for Joy and Happiness are all around you, all the time.

So, to come full circle, if you prefer joy and happiness, acknowledge it and look for it if you have to. You'll find it. Anger and happiness are like oil and water. They don't mix, so choose. Do you want to be angry or do you want to be happy? This is what it all comes down to. If you don't want anger intruding and messing up your happiness, expand your patience boundaries. If it is a matter which you feel that for the greater good, you should not have any patience for like abuse or social injustices, then transmute that anger into some form of constructive action. There is something called righteous indignation or some spiritual people call "holy wrath" which is just as passionate if not more than destructive anger which often gets expressed through violence and damaging words. The difference is that righteous indignation wakes people up to their better consciences and intentions. It is their conscience which then corrects them with guilt. Righteous indignation builds up and does not tear down, it wakes up and enlightens people to the better way things can be and does not justify the darkness of hatred and ignorance. It's called "Love". Just like GOD appeared to Moses as a burning bush which was not consumed by the fire, Love is a powerful force though it may get expressed through fiery passions does not destroy anyone. It only utterly destroys things which are not rooted in truth by glaring its light on its then apparent falsehoods. It makes people feel better about themselves, about life and what it means to be human in this world. It causes people to want to be better, do better and have better in this life. It illuminates and lights up the world in such a way people will gravitate to it like moths to a flame or like flowers to sun rays because your example of forthright justice and loving-kindness have caught fire within them and awakened a truth that had long since been dormant. So even if you need to be impatient or non-accepting of something, choose Love. It will get the job done in a more powerful, meaningful and lasting way. If you're going to get angry, make it worth something.